Sunday, November 28, 2010

Drama-Llama bye bye

Amazingly I think this is the first time EVER I don't have D-R-A-M-A. No friend drama, no BOY DRAMA. I've always had some sort of guy problems going on, but I'm simply amazed I don't have any right now. I'm not interested in anyone (which is really a first for me), I'm not stressing over wanting Justin back, I'm not engaging Princess's dad anymore. I'm just.....empty. It's a really odd feeling, and not something I've really ever felt before. And its FANTASTIC.

I have occasional times where I feel lonely and wish I had a boyfriend, but even though its the holiday season, I'm really NOT upset that I'm single. Listening to people complaining about how their husbands are lazy, or having to deal with in-laws makes me a little relieved actually.  Or even listening to people being so disgustingly happy and how they 'have the best husband/boyfriend ever' doesn't bother me like it has in the past.

I'm considering the idea of having a sitter one night a week so I can actually go out and enjoy myself-a movie (alone even) or hanging out with my friends, or even possibly going out on a date or 2. I just finally am finding myself and don't think I need to fuck it up by adding some dude to the agenda. If I find someone then that's great-but I'm DONE with the drama-the drama-llama can officially leave!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I'm thankful....

Thanksgiving is almost here. It literally snuck up on me! I just realized today that it is NEXT WEEK! Craziness!!!

I've felt sort of emotionally out of control lately. Not just 'boy' troubles but just in general. Not sure what I want my life to be. I thought it was fine and happy, but it just seems....I don't know. I'm working on it. My first order of business was to get my 'love emotions' in check. DONE. I really started thinking about all my past relationships, how I felt, what I liked about the guy or what we did, and what I felt I truly wanted from a relationship. I know now that I haven't really been in love. Every past relationship was out of comfort or convenience. I haven't really found a man I truly was in pure love with. It makes me kinda sad, but also relieved to know I can let go of all those past guys-Lee, Mark, Roy, Yamada, Justin-and I know that my heart is free and clear. There is no more pain there, no sadness. Just a lot of memories, and I'm trying to only keep the good ones.

I know what I'm really looking for in someone-same taste in music, the same sarcasm I have, he needs to respect my Goddess side and let me still be an independent person, but also step up and give me support, advice, love, and attention when I need it. The funny part about finally realizing all of that is that I don't even want it right now. I don't want a boyfriend, I don't NEED a boyfriend. I need to finish getting my life in order. I'm so focused on finances right now. I've made it to a point in my life where I am finally in charge of my money-its not running my life anymore. I'm working on building this apartment into a real HOME. Decorated, warm, happy. A place for Princess to love to be. And my #1 priority-raising her into a smart, independent, loving individual.

I'm thankful I'm finally beginning to find out who I really am. I've still got confusion about things, and I'm working on that. But certain parts of my life I've figured out. I at least know what direction to take those parts in at least!

Monday, November 08, 2010

The 'Date'

It wasn't really a 'DATE'. Well, maybe it was....if so it honestly is my idea of a perfect date! J picked me up and we went to the suite for the Mavs game. Another coworker was there with his date/friend/girl-whatever she was, I liked her, she was fun!  We watched the Mavs game and had a couple of beers in our suite (Mavs lost dang it!). Co-Worker wanted us to go to Lotus with him and his girl after the game. J said we could go, but only for one drink since he'd been at work all day and had to work the next morning....yeah, then we get there and CoWorker immediately orders him 2 Crown & cokes! And he knows the bartender, so when I say coke, it was literally a splash...

Lotus is definitely a 'trendy' spot. Lots of 20-something girls in tiny skirts and high heels and lots of dudes trying to be cool. We had a great time, it was really like 'old times'. We drank, laughed, joked, and just had a great time. It was weird because it really was just like the old times but a good weird. I definitely enjoyed the evening out. But what do you expect when you let me watch the Mavs, then party at a super trendy club? It was a perfect night out for me!!

Oh, and I did sleep alone, just in case anyone had any dirty thoughts....

Friday, November 05, 2010

Sweet November

Usually October is my favorite month, however, this October didn't end quite as well as I'd hoped, with a sick toddler and sick mommy! She missed her very first school party, which just broke my heart. I know, she has NO idea she missed it, but I do. She didn't even get to wear her costume out of the house! Good thing its part of pretend play so she is getting use out of it anyhow.

The good that has happened though, is her dad and I are talking now. Lots of fun texting, and quite possibly a date tomorrow night! Well, the Mavs game-best date I can think of!! If we don't get the tickets, then I'll be heading out to P-town to have some drinks with some girlfriends, and to meet up with an old restaurant friend to help celebrate her birthday! I'm also spending lunch tomorrow with my high school girlfriends, some that I haven't seen in quite awhile. So tomorrow will be a really fun day for me, and lucky Princess gets to spend the weekend with her other family, the Clarks, enjoying time with her cousins and giving her aunt her baby fix! I'm so excited for them to see her and see how much she has changed since they last had her (which I can't even remember when that was-over 3 months for sure!). And I'm incredibly grateful for an evening out!

I've been considering getting a nanny for one or two nights a week, so that I can go and do things like meet a friend for happy hour, or have a date, or just go grocery shopping without distraction or get a pedicure. Its hard sometimes to remember that I need to do things for myself every once in awhile because I'm completely focused on doing things FOR princess and catering to her. I think my daughter might be a bit spoiled and I'm totally ok with that!! But taking care of mommy is important too, and having time every once in awhile to do what I need to do will just insure that I'm the best mommy I can be.

Looking forward to a fantastic weekend!!