Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I'm thankful....

Thanksgiving is almost here. It literally snuck up on me! I just realized today that it is NEXT WEEK! Craziness!!!

I've felt sort of emotionally out of control lately. Not just 'boy' troubles but just in general. Not sure what I want my life to be. I thought it was fine and happy, but it just seems....I don't know. I'm working on it. My first order of business was to get my 'love emotions' in check. DONE. I really started thinking about all my past relationships, how I felt, what I liked about the guy or what we did, and what I felt I truly wanted from a relationship. I know now that I haven't really been in love. Every past relationship was out of comfort or convenience. I haven't really found a man I truly was in pure love with. It makes me kinda sad, but also relieved to know I can let go of all those past guys-Lee, Mark, Roy, Yamada, Justin-and I know that my heart is free and clear. There is no more pain there, no sadness. Just a lot of memories, and I'm trying to only keep the good ones.

I know what I'm really looking for in someone-same taste in music, the same sarcasm I have, he needs to respect my Goddess side and let me still be an independent person, but also step up and give me support, advice, love, and attention when I need it. The funny part about finally realizing all of that is that I don't even want it right now. I don't want a boyfriend, I don't NEED a boyfriend. I need to finish getting my life in order. I'm so focused on finances right now. I've made it to a point in my life where I am finally in charge of my money-its not running my life anymore. I'm working on building this apartment into a real HOME. Decorated, warm, happy. A place for Princess to love to be. And my #1 priority-raising her into a smart, independent, loving individual.

I'm thankful I'm finally beginning to find out who I really am. I've still got confusion about things, and I'm working on that. But certain parts of my life I've figured out. I at least know what direction to take those parts in at least!

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