Monday, December 27, 2010

Closing time....

Wow, this year is almost over. I've made some amazing discoveries about myself. Things I was surprised to realize. I think I'm a completely different person than I've thought I am. When you spend your life thinking you are living for a particular thing, just to have something (or someone) come along and make you realize that you were living for the wrong thing is incredible.

I never thought of myself as strong, determined, talented, beautiful, motivated. I've been weak-I've let other people (i.e. ex-boyfriend) define me. I've let people tell me I'm lazy, or indecisive, or whatever. I've let other peoples opinions or suggestions or views of me shape who I 'was'. Then Princess came along, and I HAD to be strong, determined, motivated. I had no choice. But I'm ok with it. Having a child and having to struggle with her has completely changed me. She helps to define me. I'm mommy. I'm happy with that. But being mommy meant I had to find that strength somewhere inside and I finally have found it.

I've been looking back on the last years of my life and have realized that there were a lot of lies in my life. Not bad lies necessarily, I guess more untruths. I was untrue to myself, to the people around me, but mainly to myself. I was being who i thought I was supposed to be, and not who I really am.

2011 will be a year of showing my true self. Making ME happy. Making Princess happy. My life is MINE and I'm not living it for the approval or needs of anyone other than ME and PRINCESS. I haven't quite decided if I'm ok with the loneliness I feel these days. I don't know if I'll always be alone. Right now I'm going to say YES simply because the time or honestly the desire to 'find' someone isn't there, and even though I do have the lonely moments, I don't think its worth it right now to complicate things. I'm trying to make myself into who I want my child to see me for. I need to make sure I'm able to do what I can to make sure she will grow up a strong person, talented, beautiful, motivated. All the things I wish I'd made sure of for myself.

But I'm working on that for myself now.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas

I can't believe its Christmas! This Christmas has been pretty great. I've decorated my whole house and have been able to provide Princess with several gifts. She even sort of understands this year which is fantastic! I think next year will be even better, but this has been pretty great. We are doing Christmas at my house this year, so my grandmother is here now, and Mom & B will be arriving shortly.

I can't wait for the smells and noise to fill the house with holiday cheer and to see the look on my beautiful daughters face when she sees the tree all lit and her presents underneath.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

So close to Christmas!!

I can't believe Christmas is just next week! I'm super excited that it will be at MY house this year!! Yay! I can't wait for Princess to wake up, run to the living room, and completely ignore her gifts :) Well, I'm hoping its more exciting than that but we will see!

Everyone is coming to my house this year, so we can celebrate Princess's first Christmas that she might actually know what is going on. She's been LOVING all the decorations around the house, and has loved the lights in The Village as we driving through. We haven't been to see Santa yet, so I'm not sure how that will go over. Hopefully I can take her this weekend to go see him!

I really feel the magic of Christmas, having it to share with my little princess. Makes me really appreciate this time even more!

But I would like the freakish weather to make up its mind!


About to hang her Baby's 1st Christmas ornament