Tuesday, December 31, 2013

New Years Eve 2013

Its the last day of the year. The day everyone begins making resolutions and plans and goals for the new year. But how many people actually follow through on those? I know I hardly ever do. But here's 2 that I WILL follow through on.

1. Forgive others
2. Be happy

Forgiveness is hard. It may be one of the hardest things for some people to do. I'm terrible at forgiveness. I hold grudges, I get angry very quickly and I NEVER FORGET. But you know what I realized? Forgiveness is more for YOURSELF than it is for the other person. Does the other person deserve your forgiveness? Maybe not. But your own heart does. Your soul does. You shouldn't let the weight of someone else's mistakes or hurtful actions hold you down. Let it go. Not for them, but for you. You deserve a heart free of pain and hurt and the only way to truly get that is to forgive them and move on. Realize that forgiving them doesn't make what they did ok, it simply says 'I'm letting your action go to help myself".  Sometimes people hurt you by accident and sometimes people are just hateful and do it on purpose. I've had my share of both and I know I've hurt people, both on purpose and accident. Some of those people may have forgiven me, some may not and that's something I will live with. But its about my own heart. And my change for 2014 is going to be to realize that if someone hurts me, its their problem, not mine. I will take from it what I can and move on. Forgive them so that my own heart can stay clear. So those who have hurt me in the past, I'm moving on from it. I can't let what you did hold me back. What does holding anger do? Make you bitter maybe. Make you miss the good things. There are so many good things in the world that I can love and appreciate when my soul isn't holding anger, resentment and hate towards anyone. So I urge you to start 2014 with a clean heart. Let go of that pain and anger and forgive those who have hurt you. It will do you more good than you realize to let that weight go. And maybe, you might find that someone you forgive is willing to try to fix it and you may get a stronger relationship from them. Its just a possibility. Just remember that forgiving doesn't erase what happened, it says you are ready to move on and look to happier days. With or without that person is entirely up to you.  My Irish temper has always sought revenge, but really what does that do? Karma is a much better revenge than I could ever plot (and I have an incredibly vivid imagination). So its not MY responsibility to pay someone back for what they did. Its my responsibility to take care of my body and not let that negativity stay with me. Make the choice to remove the negativity and move on.

Be happy. Why is that so hard? Why is that something people struggle with? Happiness is inside you. I promise.  You can make the choice to live life happy or live it sad. Why would you choose sadness? There are things all around you that can hold you down, but YOU can make the decision to not let them keep you down. YOU can make the decision to do more, be more, have more. Is it easy to get more? No, probably not-I'll find out here in a few weeks exactly how hard it is to be more. Is it easy to wake up each morning and say "I will make this a good day"? Yep. Sure is. You know how I know? I made that decision to wake up each day and find something beautiful in it. Some days are harder, but every single day has a lovely moment that you can draw happiness from. Maybe it won't smack you in the face but taking a moment to stand outside and take a deep breath of fresh clean air, or smile at a stranger, or see a mother hug her child. Those are simple lovely moments that you can draw happiness out of. Sounds silly right? Yeah I can see that, but then again, is it going to hurt anything to try it? Nope. There is a world of beauty and happiness out there, and there is no reason why you can't take one of those happy moments and make it yours. Send a compliment to someone, tell someone you appreciate them, listen to a song that brings back a great memory, listen to a child's laughter (that is the best remedy for anything-a pure sound of innocence and joy) all those things-they make your heart happy. They make your soul happy. They make you smile. I am a huge believer in music helping you feel better and I read something that said singing out loud can release endorphins, I never knew that but once I read that I thought oh....so that's why I always feel so good after I sing (badly) out loud. Huh. Realization is a fantastic thing. Find a song and SING. With your whole body. I guarantee you will feel better, maybe even laugh and we all know that laughter is beautiful from anyone. We should all strive to laugh more.

So for 2014 I seriously urge you to think about these 2 things to make you live a better life. Will it hurt to try either of them? Nope, probably not. But maybe at midnight tonight you can exhale the pain and anger out and start your first breath of 2014 happy, with an open heart, open mind and a happier soul. Its what I plan to do.

Have a safe New Years Eve. Celebrate responsibly.

Monday, December 30, 2013

The new year and a new me....

I cant believe it’s the new year already. 2013 went by so slowly yet the last few weeks seemed to fly by. The last 16 months of my life have been crazy. Mostly down moments speckled by a few great ones. Very few great ones. I had a rough year financially and basically spent a year being emotionally drained and stressed out. It was a hard year. I had to make some changes, really try to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and had to look at what I was doing and how it affected Princess. Did she deserve a stressed out parent who was always too exhausted to even just be out of bed? Or was super moody all the time? Did she deserve missing out on things because mommy couldn’t afford it? Although she never had to do without ANYTHING she wanted-I was the one who would do without before she would. But that wasn’t fair to me either. And why can’t we both have everything we want? That’s the joy of being an adult right? You get to have what YOU want too? So I guess I needed to fix it. And I finally started to. 
It all started when I met a boy and I realized I could fall in love again. He was so sweet and said all the right things. He showed me that guys can actually treat a girl well. He spoiled me a bit for sure, something I wasn't used to. But, I have realized that I have unrealistic expectations in a relationship thanks to the oodles of stupid romance novels and books I’ve read, or the dramatic series I’ve watched on TV that show amazing relationships that are all scripted and filled in perfectly. Love isn’t like that. Unfortunately our paths just weren’t the same and we didn’t see things the same way I guess, and I went through another rough heartbreak. Probably the roughest one I’ve had. But I survived. And realized that I can find man even as a single parent. Cause I truly believed that I couldn't-I don't even know why.  Now I know I can be patient and look at all the things I’m doing for ME to make my own soul happy and full. I know that the things I WANT to do, that boy wouldn’t have supported me.  And I need someone who will stand by me and push me to reach my dreams.  I’ve seen what love can be and how it shouldn’t be and I have a better idea of what I want and need from someone. And I know that I will eventually find the man who will do all those realistic and much needed things that I am looking for. Someday. But I don’t have to rush it. It will happen.
So what does the mommy want for 2014? I want to live my dreams. I want to be happy with my life. Live laugh love right? So lets see....

Live-I want to reach my dreams. I want to dance again. I want to maybe sing. Maybe act. Maybe climb a mountain. Maybe become a great chef. Ok really, I’m sure my family is laughing at most of those. But I am starting dance lessons in January. Its not the class I want to take, but it’s a start. It’s a step in the right direction. I’m considering taking voice lessons. I know its crazy, and I’m known for having crazy ideas and jumping from interest to interest (personal training, computer tech, wedding planner, teacher etc) but usually it’s because I get frustrated when I sit down and have to plan out how I get there, then I get distracted by something shiny and I’ve moved on to the next great thing. Or i think that someone else might think its ridiculous and I'm ashamed of it. But who cares. Its MY life right? And I want to be happy and do whatever I want to do. Perhaps if I focus on one or two things I actually love doing, that is a step into happiness right? And isn’t the point of life to do what you love and be happy? Just live?
Laugh-I’ve actually taken that step and moved to a new town that I just love. I live minutes (seconds even) from several friends that I know I can drop in on at any time and be (mostly) welcome. I’ve surrounded myself with loving and hilarious people who live their lives happily with direction and purpose and are just being them. They fill my life with humor and love and I could not pick better people to lift me and my mini-me up each day. A 2 minute stop can turn into hours of laughter that brings tears and new stories to look back on and laugh even when you are surrounded by strangers, something that no amount of money could ever by. True happiness from friendship. from people who will stand beside you and support you. The memories and the future moments are intangible things to not take for granted.  I know  this group will be lifelong partners on this road I’m forging for me and Princess. And I could not be happier about it in this small quiet town that I adore so much.
Love- oh yes, the hardest one. To be in love with someone who also loves you back is an incredible and wonderful feeling. And while in the back of my mind I so desperately want a relationship, I know that I can’t settle. I can’t let someone in who won’t support me and encourage me to move forward. As I look over the past men I’ve been with none of them have held my same passions, or more than one of my interests.  They were not supportive or encouraged me to do more with my life or chase my dreams. But then again-none of them asked about my dreams. About what inspired me. And probably up until a few weeks ago my answers would have changed monthly depending on who I was with. The person who finally brought back my true dreams and inspiration was my daughter of all people. I have always been the ‘super supportive’ girlfriend who tried to push people to do what made them happy. And I never got that in return from any of the men I dated. And it took me a damn long time to figure that out. Sometimes I gave more than I got, and sometimes I pushed too hard for things I didn’t really want and pushed people away. I think I’ve realized that flaw of mine and will be working on it. As I go through my days and the new adventures I’m ready to start I am opening myself up to meeting new people. And perhaps as I’m learning new skills in my life I’ll finally meet someone who is passionate about something that I’m interested in-music or dance perhaps. Seeing someone inspired by what they want or what they do is something I haven’t seen in a man in a long time. Its an attractive quality, and I hope to stumble upon someone with that quality in the next year.
I’m going to chase my dreams, I’m going to meet new people, I’m going to travel, I’m going to expose Princess to the many options of the world and make sure that she is always inspired by the world around her so that she doesn't realize in her 30s that she has to start over like her momma is. It’s a new year and it’s a new chapter of my life. One I want to be able to re-read and be proud of. One that I can’t look at and say ‘I wish I had done it differently’ like so many of the previous chapters of my life. Its not too late to start my life over, even if some people might say it is. I'm having fun with my life again realizing that I actually WANT to do something.
Is your new chapter ready to begin?

Thursday, December 26, 2013

I'm so ridiculous....

That I think I should write a post about it. Why not right? My blog = my rules. I can be incredibly dorky if I wanna be! So lately the Princess and I have been very into cheer and dance. Well, I'm always into dance even though over the past 5 years of being a mommy that passion has been put on the back burner. But now that Princess is an active child doing cheer and dance I've become inspired again. I've also been more into singing. Why, I don't know since I have a terrible voice. Although I did sing in choir all through 7th - 9th grade (even doing a solo or 2!) and always pictured myself as a singer. But really I'm terrible at it, even though I think I'm fabulous-so does Princess. She loves for me to sing so perhaps I'm not as horrendous as I think I am, but then again she is 4 and I feed her so she could just be keeping me happy. I've become addicted to the movie Pitch Perfect. Even my child knows it's my favorite movie and what my favorite parts are (which really is pretty much ALL of it!) So we have watched this movie oh say....a dozen times in the last couple of weeks? And I think her favorite part is singing Bulletproof, which I'm totally going to get on video someday. And when I say "we" watch it what I mean is I'm curled up on the sofa watching (for the zillionth time) and she hears a song start and runs out to sing it with me then goes back into her room to play. She also dances. She had the moves down pretty quickly. She is going to be a singer or dancer someday herself. She could be a Bella. I want to be a Bella. And what's so funny is the other day I had someone tweet me about a call for actors/models/performers in my city. Can I go? I know I'd be an excellent actor or performer. Model maybe not so much, but I can memorize lines, probably. But then I'd have to actually get up in front of people and let them judge me. Eh, I don't know. I'm still thinking that one over.

The point of this is getting away from me. I have a huge crush on Skylar Astin. I mean, he's adorable, how can you not? And I adore Brittany Snow, Anna Camp, Rebel Wilson and Anna Kendrick. I want to be a Barden Bella. And I'd date Jesse, heck I'd even date that hot guy with the big hair that keeps showing his abs. Wait-that wasn't actually the point of this post-social media is. So I started watching Ground Floor (go watch it. Seriously funny and Skylar, Briga and John are fabulous) and I now follow on Instagram and Twitter most of the cast of Ground Floor as well as Pitch Perfect. And over the last few days I've maybe a bit obsessively tweeted and IG'd but I've been responded to by a few celebs from the show and its made me ridiculously happy. I even had Justin Carrier, a cheer phenom respond to me a few times! I feel like a major celeb creeper cause I'm so happy about it, but then again it makes me love them all even more to see them actually interact with their fans. Even if it IS one of their media people doing it FOR them, its still pretty awesome I think. Do you think Kanye responds personally to his fans or even thinks to have a rep do it for him? Doubtful. Good grief I can't stand him.

So that's it. I've been super excited, damn near giddy, that celebs have paid me the tiniest bit of attention online over the last week or so. Totally social media obsessed. I'm easily impressed I suppose but its also been fun. I just wish my obsessive personality could obsess over things like a clean house or car or perhaps budgeting. But how is that fun?

So be ridiculous. Let things make you happy no matter how simple they are or how silly they may seem to other people. Why shouldn't you find joy in something little?  I'm a celeb-aholic and I'm not ashamed of it. If someone doesn't like they can unfollow or ignore me. I'm ok with that. 2014 is all about being real and being whatever I want to be.

Saturday, November 09, 2013

Dreams and goals

So I saw this thing (probably on Pinterest) that says something like 'to know who you love look at where your mind goes when it wanders'. Well I think that's true for WHAT you love too. And lately my wandering mind is going to memories of me dancing, or in the car I'm constantly listening to a song and choreographing a dance to go along with it. Or while I watch Princess making up dances in the living room and get so happy that she loves dance as much as I did.

So all these years I've gone without dancing. Unless you count at a club partying with girlfriends. What a calorie burner! The funny thing is, I didn't start 'professional' dancing until I got in high school. I started taking dance classes as a sophomore through my senior year. I was on drill team. I took some prep classes. I started at a dance studio in high school to prep for drill team tryouts and worked with the younger classes and loved it. I've always enjoyed dancing, which I cover pretty thoroughly in this post so I wont go into it even more now. But that desire to dance or work in a dance field has always been in the back of my mind. I went to TWU as a Dance Major/Education minor because it is one of the top ranked schools for Dance and my dreams were to teach dance to someone-anybody who would take me.  Unfortunately my need to work 2 jobs and join a sorority and find my party side made it a little difficult to complete, the one thing I regret more than anything in my life, however I wouldn't have my precious Princess now.

So now I'm here in my 30s. I haven't danced in many years. I occasionally attempt a high kick to make Princess giggle and then I can't walk for 2 days. But that's all changing. I realized I still have this passion. This ache to dance again. I guess the time we spend in the gym at cheer and dance have brought it back with a vengeance and I miss it. I dream about it. I can't remember the last thing that made me feel so inspired to do something. I'm a licensed Zumba instructor and I'm proud of that. I thought maybe that would sate my desire to teach dance again, but I haven't had the time or energy to work on teaching anywhere or make up a class, even though the girls at work are begging me to (and I'm going to start working on that since we have a big fancy room we might be able to use!) but I know that's not going to be enough for me. Since we started at LCA there has been a couple of times they have posted about trying to find another dance instructor and I feel like this is my nudge telling me that opportunities ARE out there if I will move my lazy booty and do something about it. I'm no where near being able to teach now but I could be in a year from now if I will just GET.ON.IT. And really there's no reason not to. Right?

I've found 3 studios that offer adult classes. 1 is in my hometown and is a jazz/lyrical class. The other 2 are in the big city and are both larger dance schools, one of which is a Contemporary Ballet School. Both would be excellent places to begin. And yes, I'm talking about starting ballet. Ballet is the fundamental basis of dance. Every dance gets its basics from ballet. I don't expect to be en pointe at my age or with my odd feet but I know I can do the basics of ballet (in slippers, NOT pointe shoes!). Do I expect to ever be a Rockette (drool) or go to Julliard? No of course not. Do I expect to become more fit, more graceful, and knowledgable about dance? Absolutley. Soooooo what do I want to do with this dream....Well, clearly dreaming up the next pop star's music video is out. But teach? Yeah. I could do that. My dream was to always open my own studio. I could do that. Maybe. But just to be in a studio again, instilling passion in a young childs heart or training a young dancer to audition for a team or even coach a determined dancer to reach her own dream would be fulfilling. To take my love of dance and music and see it grow in a young soul would be so incredibly. I see it each day in my own daughter and it brings me more joy than I could ever imagine, to do it for a room full of children who are looking for inspiration-that would be the best dream I could have come true. So I'm starting to train. I'm making better food choices, I'm stretching everyday, I'm trying to figure out how to get TO one of the dance classes I've found-I'm going to make it happen.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Oh my crazy life....

So I'm looking back on my life. At the crazy things I did, the bad things that have happened to me and around me, the stupid things that I've done that I really should have suffered for. I know that no one's life is perfect, I understand that but I've witnessed and experienced things that I wish I never had. I've seen abuse and suffering.  I've done things that if I could take them back I proooobably should. I haven't been the best person in my young and crazy days. But. I had fun. Stupid fun, but not many regrets (dating the creeper guy who stalked me and stole my picture is a regret, not following through on trying out for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders is a GIANT regret. Going crazy on an ex is a regret - even though he absolutely deserved it)-I always had that demon and angel sitting there side by side fighting my good girl side. Cause I used to be a pretty quiet, shy, reserved kid. But then my junior year of high school happened and....well....I know I probably stressed my mother out with stupid things I did (not including the ones she never even knew about!)and for that I'm sorry but dang I had some fun when I was younger. Nights spent drinking and dancing in the rain. Hanging with the fraternity boys and the prep school boys. Going dancing 4 nights a week. Dating anyone I wanted anytime I wanted (those are some regrets right there). Back when I had no regard for anyone but myself and my friends and thought I was invincible. Now I've grown up, some at least. I'm trying to reel in my crazy dontmesswithmeoryouwillregretit Irish side. I've definitely reeled back my crazy drinking side-mostly because now I'm a mom and sit at home the majority of the time. I miss being able to go to a bar and hang out at 9 pm on a Thursday. But I know that what I'm getting instead, time with Princess, is 10000x more important and more fulfilling. Besides, it takes me a heck of a lot longer to recover from a night of drinking as it did before! A little of the Tia's cooks 'special morning breakfast' and a Bawls energy drink and I'd be good to go by 11 am! Now I'm still struggling 48 hours AFTER I STOP drinking! I sure miss working in restaurants some days.

But all those things I did or that happened to me shaped me into who I am. And maybe I'm not the good person now I think I am, and maybe if I told someone all my demons I'd be better, but so much is so personal that I don't want to open the gate to the memories. And perhaps I think someone wouldn't accept me if they knew what I'd been through. Or I don't want them to feel sorry for me. I struggled with some hard times that I wish I could just block out but it made me a stronger person. I've let people use me and treat me badly and I just accepted it or hid it from others. But it made me a stronger person.  Its also made me a little more angry and defiant and harder to deal with, and I know I've pushed a few guys away because of that. I have trust issues. I absolutely know that. I have a hard time letting someone in and accepting that they care for me. I know that too. I'm working on those things now that I'm older and can recognize my own weaknesses. And I think that's a big sign of growing up. When you can recognize those things that hold you back and you actively try to change them. I've been working on trusting people (friends as well as love interests) more lately.  My recent breakup stung quite a bit since I was beginning to trust him whole-heartedly and clearly shouldn't have (or it was just too late and I didn't realize it) but I can't continue to let one person at a time put another brick in that wall I'm trying so hard to tear down. But when it happens over and over at what point do you say 'I just can't do it anymore. I can't take another heartbreak or disappointment'. But if you give up and leave that wall up are you cutting yourself off from finding happiness? Or do you just say 'fuck it, I'll never be in a relationship again because its too risky'. Or where is that line between being a bitch because you are protecting yourself and just being cautious? I can't walk that line. I'm always 3 feet over on the bitch side.

How many times do you get hurt before you give up? Or should you just always believe that the good people are out there and you will eventually find them? And they will be so good they start to mend those bits of trust that are broken? Well I may have just answered my very own question since I'm beginning to realize I can not only trust but count on the people in my life right now. I guess it takes just finally finding the ones that FIT and giving yourself that one last vulnerable moment to let them in. And hope with all hope that you have made the right choice in who you surround yourself with. I think I may have finally found those people and I'm fighting every crazy over emotional thought in my soul that says to stop it because at some point you have to tell your demons to STFU and conquer them.

I'm finally standing up to those demons and I feel like I'm starting to win the battle. At least getting on a better war field I suppose. Are you fighting your demons yet?

Sunday, October 20, 2013

The sign....

The hardest thing in life is realizing that the person that means everything to you, the one you would have moved mountains for and can't stop thinking about has not only stopped thinking about you but has moved on. They not only gave up on you, but have so quickly found someone else. Seeing the one you love with someone else tears your heart apart. It makes you sick to your stomach and makes your eyes burn. It's hard to accept that. 

But the reality is....if they moved on so quickly then was that love REAL? Was it as true as you thought it was? Clearly not. And the funny thing is, THAT realization should help you feel better. It's a dirty little reality but it should help your mind and heart to begin to mend. To realize that "hey, I tried because I was in love. They walked away because they were not in love" it really should help you. You can stop thinking you did something wrong or you are to blame because seeing them move on quickly to someone else shows where their heart really was-not with you. A sign you shouldn't waste your time or energy on trying to figure out what went wrong, what you did and can you fix it for another try. It's time to walk away. 

It's normal to feel betrayed, bitter and broken, but you have to remember that hearts heal. They may be fragile and sensitive but they do heal. There may always be a piece that belongs to that other person but you can fill that space with more love and faith for another person. One that hopefully will come along and fill that hole with a peice of their own once broken and fragile heart. And remember when you get that peice to cherish it. Love it's flaws from the beginning and if you can't then back away then. Be strong enough to hold your heart for someone who truly deserves it, but also remember you are strong enough to heal it when/if that person breaks it. 

It's ok to be disappointed, but don't let it hold you back from being happy. Appreciate the things you learned from that relationship, accept the sign it's over and focus on yourself and finding something that makes you happy. Cause once you mend up that heart and fill it with some happiness then a real love may just find it's way to you. The old me would lash out, be hateful and angry and perhaps a bit childish (there's that Irish peeking out) but now I know that I can't let hard times bring me down. I've surrounded myself with people who care and have let happiness in my heart and home and things like a break up, while painful and hurt, won't destroy me anymore. What's meant to be will always find a way and that right person will be there when the time is right. For both of you. 

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Aaron Lewis - What Hurts The Most (Rascal Flatts) HD Live in Lake Tahoe ...

WARNING EXPICIT LANGUAGE!! (Aaron cusses a bit at the beginning)

So I wrote a post the other day about music and how much it means to me. And this song is the exact example of what I meant. These words that he sings pretty much sums me up. But I also love this song because although it was made popular by another band (country even) he heard the songwriter sing it and it touched him and he needed to sing it himself. I love that about him.

And yes, this song really reflects my recent break up so its both therapeutic and difficult to listen to because these words resonate in my head so much. But it helps me to know someone else felt this. That someone else didn't get a chance to say what was on their mind and in their heart, and that it makes them wonder what could have been if they had tried harder. But that's just my thoughts at this particular time. Cause my thoughts literally can change by the minute about how I feel about something. I'm a ball of fun.  And of course hearing Aaron's amazing voice speaking to me helps.

Now I MUST find this song to put in my iTunes. Its a must do.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

My child comes first....right?

So there is this thing floating around facebook that says something like "My kids come first no matter what". Princess is the absolute most important thing in my life. Above my own well-being, above my own needs and above my own love life (which is why I have none).

But...am I sacrificing my own happiness for her? My question is, not only is that fair but is it healthy? I fully believe that for your child to be happy, healthy and to thrive that the PARENTS need to be happy. If I'm miserable my child will pick up on that and will act outrageous. If I'm happy and relaxed then she is happy and sweet and content. And I've lived that exact situation for the past 4 years. When I was happy, which admittedly was not very often, she was a good child. When I've been stressed and miserable she has been whiney, stubborn, and constantly cried.

So its all connected, yes? Happy mommy=happy child. Angry mommy=bratty child. Imagine that. That MY mood and emotions rub off on my child. My words affect her why wouldn't my actions and attitude? We haven't had the smoothest 4 years. Her father has decided to flit in and out of her life, we've moved every year of her life, she has been in 6 different schools. Why would my child be well adjusted and perfect. Her life hasn't been. She's never wanted for anything-always enough food and toys and love. That has always been a constant in her life but the other stuff-routine and structure has just never been there. And its because I've always been trying to chase down something to make her happy and have made many wrong turns along the way. I was always looking for what would be best for HER. Now I'm looking for (and finding I might add) whats best for US. And I don't think putting myself first for a change is necessarily a bad thing. I'm not saying I'd take food out of her mouth or leave her with some random stranger so I can go out drinking. That for sure would NEVER happen. But if I let her spend a little more time at grammas so I can spend time connecting with my friends, or if have her go to bed a little bit earlier so I can have some recharge time alone, of have a friend watch her for an hour so I can go to dance class is that so terrible? That while I'm also pursuing her interests like dance and music, that I'm also working towards my own dreams of dancing/coaching/teaching/whatever is so bad? Or letting a good man in my life to form a relationship with me and letting her adjust to it bad? (man I'm having a really hard time putting this into words-that still doesn't sound the way I want it to).

I just feel like some parents cut things out of their life that they want and NEED because they feel like somehow that is taking away from their child. Like it means they are a bad parent if they let themselves be happy. Or if they take some time for themselves to try a new experience that they think they can't because they are a mom or dad. Or not even wanting to find a partner because they don't want to make that child adjust to a new person in their life because thats somehow not fair or makes them less of a parent. I just....I just don't understand that. I really don't. How can you be the best parent possible if YOU are not happy? If YOU are not fulfilled? Why does it make you a lesser person to let yourself have an interest outside your child? And I admit I'm guilty of it myself her whole life-I've hesitated to take time for me or felt guilty letting someone else watch Princess (including my own mother-seriously like gramma hates spending time with her precious little baby? Not even. She would probably keep her for a month if I allowed it. No mom.) But I NEED to be happy myself. I have to. I need to find my own interests, I need to be able to do things *I* enjoy, I need to not feel guilty to drink a glass of wine at night or go to the gym and let her play in the kid watch. If I'm happy it should mean that she is happy and a better child and ultimately becoming a better person, right? If she grows up into a great person I did do MY job right. Right?

I'm having the hardest time writing this post coherently. I feel like there is so much pressure in the world to be the 'perfect' parent (I'm nowhere NEAR that title) and everyone judges every single thing you do. Why does it need to be that way? Why can't I just live and as long as Princess is fed, healthy, relatively clean, and happy why do you care what I do with myself? Why am I supposed to care what you do? Oh...yeah I really don't. Keep your kid happy and make yourself happy. Enjoy your life. If living for your child is what you want to do then by all means do it. But don't you dare judge anyone else for NOT living that way. I'm not judging you for it. I have several friends who have devoted their life to their children. And you know what? I think a couple of them are realizing they lost themselves somewhere along the way. And they are not ok with that. Life can end in a second, you should do all the things you want to do, you should love all the ones you want and you should find those people who make your heart happy and keep them near. Don't push them away because you think you need to. Either in distance or in your heart. Cause when its your time to go will you look back and be happy about the things you did, the people you had and the life you lived? or will you look back with disappointment on goals left unreached, people you lost and words left unsaid? Don't risk regret. Risk being happy. And maybe get it all.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Music in my soul

Ah music. What does music do for you? Does it cheer you up if you are feeling down? Does it make you laugh? Does it remind you of a moment from your past or inspire you for your future? For me music is all of that. But my favorite thing about music is the fact that just one song can take me back to a moment that feels so real that I can clearly remember what I was feeling at that moment. If I'm lucky, sometimes that emotion can come crashing back and cause me to laugh or cry. It can be an old country song that reminds me of my college days at the bar 2-steppin with my girls. It can be an alternative song that sparks memories of dancing in the rain at my first apartment or at The State Club laughing with the Theta Chi boys. It can be an 80's song that reminds of the nights dancing at Blue Planet and trying to sneak drinks in the corner of the club (shhh don't tell my mom!) or to my days in junior high roaming the town with my then BFF. It can be a hip hop song that takes me back to bartending with my friends wearing short skirts, high heels, lots of lip gloss and flirty laughs. It can be a Simon & Garfunkel song that reminds me of love and laughter and years of crazy adventures in my favorite house ever.

So many songs that I've danced to, sang along with, and cried over. Sometimes I have trouble with my words and expressing myself in a way that makes any sort of sense, so I wish I could just carry a stereo around with me and when a moment comes up I can choose a song from the playlist of my soul and play it so the other person knows what I'm trying to say. There are several songs that just speak to me. I could think of so many that would be on the playlist of my life. Mostly Staind songs to be totally honest. Everything Changes, Believe, Right Here, King of all Excuses. I always kind of wanted to date a songwriter. Someone who could just make up a song that speaks to me and sing it to me. And I did have an ex that used to sing to me and it was so great-it was one thing that really connected us was our love of music. Finding someone who believes in the power of music and doesn't think the whole 'this song touches my soul' thing isn't cheesy is great. And yes, I can be a bit cheesy like that.

I prefer to have music on as much as I possibly can. In the mornings it's Pandora on my phone. In the car I always have my iPhone plugged in on one of my variety of station....currently I have the following playlists (don't judge)

Country (old George Strait, Brooks & Dunn, Tim McGraw etc.)
Hip Hop (gotta have my bartender days reminder of booty music!)
Alternative Angry Rock (this is my hard rock I blast when I'm mad or frustrated-usually with a stupid boy)
Sing (yep a nerdy playlist of Britney, Carrie, Kelly Clarkson and others I can belt out)

What's so funny though-the new iTunes upgrade has the iTunes radio on it now and I only play my Staind station I made. Lots of angry rock! Helps me get through my work day for sure. I love to sing too. I'm not very good at it though. I did sing for 3 years in choir and loved it-even sang a duet from the Little Mermaid in like 9th grade. But my skills are NOT very good now so I only sing for Princess. But I'd love to go on one of those shows like The Voice. I'd love to be a rock star up on stage hoping that someone heard my song and felt what I felt when I wrote it or was singing it. To know that those words spoke to someone and helped them through a bad day or was the soundtrack to a perfect night for them. There are some nights that only a song can help to calm me. I hope that those artist creating music never stop believing that their words mean something to someone. That whatever pain or joy inspired that song spoke to me or someone else. And the best thing is that I see that in Princess. I see her singing all the time now. Making up songs, singing along with me. To see her take something I have passion in and following in it may be the best part of being a parent.

And now I'm just stopping to say that there is this commercial that comes on for a new show Ravenswood (that I'm totally going to watch cause PLL hottie Caleb is in it!) and I always have to stop and sing The Civil Wars "The one that got away". There's one or 2 men in my life I really wish I had never seen their face. I need to get that song at work tomorrow.

So yes.  I fully believe that music can inspire you, maybe even change your life or at least your outlook on it. Work better. To push harder. To love stronger. It can console you and help you realize that someone else went through what you are going through, and that they came out for the better. To hear a song that just makes your body move. Maybe that's why I enjoy dance so much. The ability to take a song and move to it can relax you or it can pump you up for a great night out. Some of my favorite nights began by blasting music and dancing around my bathroom while getting pretty for a night out. And so many nights ended by falling asleep listening to something soothing and that completely summed up my night out.

So what does music do for you? If you've never thought to let music soothe or inspire you then maybe try it. Or if you've never heard a song days or even years later and remembered a sweet memory then you are missing out. I love hearing a song and instantly letting it transport me to another time and another memory. Its almost always the highlight of my day-that instant memory of a time I laughed or a situation that made me stronger.

 Let more music in your life. Dance more. Live more.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Testing my faith in love and communication.

It seems like all around me love is being tested lately. Including my own, but that’s not really what I’m focusing on. Why is there so much heartache in the world? In the past few months I’ve seen several relationships failing or end. These relationships have been anywhere from 6 months – many many years along. From couples in all stages of romance who were just dating, engaged, living together or married. It makes me question my faith in love. In soulmates. Wondering if love really conquers all or if it’s just being given away so easily these days. Everything is so techy now. People meeting on the internet, people sending more emails than love letters, texts of love instead of spoken words of love. Is it because its become too easy to be in love? Or are people just desperate to be in love? Or even that this ease of technology is making it easier to be distracted or even to meet someone else causing that love to change? I’m not saying that there aren’t happy relationships around me, but I will admit, the one relationship that I always counted on lasting-the one who made me believe in true love and happy endings is one of the ones being tested right now. And I’m not going to share the details but it hurts my heart so much to know that there is this pain in my friend’s heart and that their love is being tested right now. Why?

I’m not saying relationships need to be hearts and flowers all the time. That’s silly. And unrealistic. Did I ever mention I’ve read a lot of books? That I have this weird expectation of how relationships are SUPPOSED to go because I’ve read too many novels written with the ‘perfect’ relationship in mind? I have this idea in my head that relationships are supposed to be so easy and never have any problems. Where did I get that from? I’ve never SEEN any perfect relationships. I’ve obviously never been IN a perfect relationship. So....

Where did I get this idea? Reading. Damn the knowledge. The truth? Relationships require 2 people willing to communicate about everything. From simple mundane household things to sharing dreams-even if they are ridiculous. Because if you can't be ridiculous with the one you love then why are you together? Communication. If you are feeling neglected why can’t you tell your partner? If you need more attention or need to be left alone why can’t you tell them that? If you’re scared about the future or stuck on something from your past you should feel like you can share that with him/her so they can not only not stress about what’s wrong (cause chances are you’ve closed up and shut them out making them all paranoid) but they can help you in whatever way you need-do you need some alone time to figure it out? Ok. I can respect that. But DO NOT shut that person out. Either of you. If s/he says ‘please, I just need some time to think’ then don’t get defensive and begin ignoring them and thinking something is YOUR fault. Cause it may not be. Some people are guarded. Their hearts are fragile and it takes a while to open up. Respect that and don’t assume that since they won’t open up they don’t care for you. It may just take some time. But that person needs to also respect your heart and believe that since they chose you to be with that they can trust you with that guarded heart and let you help them. Open it up. People are scared of being hurt. Some people are so broken its hard to let anyone in (well hello personal experience). But when they do you can’t take that fragile heart and tear it even more (hey there again, that’s me I’m talking about!).

Be willing to communicate. To compromise. Everyone has baggage. There is no ‘perfect person for you’. There are imperfect people who love you enough to compromise and give and take. To love you enough to look at your flaws and either embrace them or help you fix them. Sometimes two people, no matter how much in love they think they are, they just can’t ever make it work-but MAYBE THEY CAN. If they are both willing to try. Cause if you can find someone who makes you feel special, makes you smile, and you know in your heart is the one you want to make it work with then TRY. Remember to focus on what you need and don’t be afraid to ask your partner for it. If you truly love someone you will be willing to do the hard work and make it right-cause once its right, those hard times will be few and far between. And you will realize that it was all worth it in the end.  

But don’t get me wrong-don’t waste your time. Don’t waste it on someone who can’t be an adult and talk to you or decides to run from you. Don’t waste your time on someone who isn’t willing to give you full attention when you ask for it. If you ASK and don’t get it because they don’t want to listen-then its not worth your time. People are not mind readers, as much as we like to think they are. You have to be a grown up and use your words. I tell my daughter this all the time but how many times have *I* actually been a grown up and used my words? Less times than I’d like to admit. Although, the last time I wanted to use my words I wasn’t allowed to and it hurts-I waited too long. So when your partner tries to open up to you and make it work, give them the respect they deserve and listen to understand, not reply. Respect that heart that loved you and your own flaws and let them speak, especially if they have stood by your side for years through so many hard times. And respect that heart that loves you and tell them what YOU need and want-don’t expect them to know what’s in your heart if you can’t communicate. Why go on miserable when it doesn't have to be like that. You can always say 'This is not how I want my story to end' and change it.
It seems like so many relationships can be fixed by just....COMMUNICATING. What's the worst that can happen if you open up and say what you want and need? That your partner will say "I can't do that" and leave? Well they were probably on their way out the door anyhow so at least you can have....closure (I hate that word too) and move on. You can know that you tried and found it couldn't work. But what happens if you DO open up and say what you want and that partner says 'I'm sorry I didn't know. I will fix it' and then you end up happier than before? That's good right?!? And IT.CAN.HAPPEN. Its always a possibility. But you wont know if you don't speak up. Don't regret speaking your mind.

Am I going to give up on Lady Love? For right now yes. My heart is too raw with my own heartbreak and those full of pain around me. I still believe in love and know I see it in couples around me every day, but my heart is still sad for those who are struggling with fixing their own pain right now and I think I need to leave Love alone right now. She’s not really playing fair with everyone and that’s just not cool with me. I just hope that my reminder to open up helps one of those couples who are fighting love and communicating right now.  

**This post took me 4 days to write. Its a little jumbled as I've got so many emotions going on right now so I hope its pretty coherent.

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Finding happy

So those who know me know I have a tendency for over dramatics, for emotional outbursts, for getting angry and lashing out. I also have a problem with overthinking everything to the point of making myself absolutely nuts. I don't know why. But its bad. I second guess everything I do. I cry to myself over making a stupid decision. I DONT make decisions because I'm too terrified to make them. Is there a word for that? I think there is. Fear. I fear so much. I fear making others mad, of disappointing others, of raising princess wrong, of failing. Fear of being happy. And mostly I fear wasting this life.

But there is one decision (well 2) in my life I have never for a moment second-guessed or agonized over or regretting and that was my choice to move to my current hometown. I live in a quiet and small town. And I love it. I miss Target and Rosa's and Taco Bueno. But I love the town. The peace. The good school that princess is at. The fact that we are part of a community who celebrates football.  And most of all....I love the people I've surrounded myself with. My decision to move was made before I started dating my now ex-boyfriend, but part of my excitement on the move was being close to him. And we are not together anymore. And I admit I'm heartbroken over it. He is my soul mate (yeah that's present tense). People may roll their eyes or argue with it but in my heart I know its true. But we aren't on the same page. That's no ones fault. Our emotions got the best of us and I think we ran a little faster than we should of. It doesn't mean we can't find ourselves in the future on the same page. But it also doesn't mean that there isn't someone better suited for our way of life (er lives I guess) out there that we each may stumble upon before serendipity decides to put us back together. He is a good man. He is sweet and loving and has an amazing heart and is a wonderful father. To both his son and how he treated princess. I could not have wanted a better person to be in our lives. He is one of many people in this lovely town that have made an impact on my life and that of my child's. In a positive way. More than I could have wished for.

The people we are surrounded by are full of life, positive energy, hilarity and love. They have had a huge impact on my life the last couple of weeks. Texts, outings, support, etc. They have been there to listen and not make me feel judged. I admit, I was terrified after my breakup that I'd be 'outcast' because he has been in their group for a very long time. But I wasn't. In fact, the opposite happened. They've all mostly been friends since before they hit puberty, and even though I've known one of them for a mere 5 years I feel like I've known them for so much longer. Its been a long time since I've been in a group of friends where I didn't feel like the odd one out. They are not without issues or hard times. But the difference is-they don't let their hardships bring them down or use it to hurt or push away those around them. I always let rough times bring me down, break ups destroy me, things make me angry and cause me to push people out. And now I can feel myself slowly beginning to let happiness and positive energy back in my life. And you know what, I'm becoming happy again.

I truly believed I would never be happy again. That I was going to forever be this lonely bitter hateful person. But I'm not. I'm realizing I can focus on my dreams again, I'm realizing I have a good group of friends who are going to support me, encourage me and cheer for me no matter what. I'm realizing that my child, who can be a beast, is behaving better because *I* am behaving better. Funny how that works isn't it. Happiness is out there. No....wait. Scratch that. Happiness is HERE. I am making it my own. There is nothing keeping HAPPY from being a word that describes me. And its because I finally made the decision to pick a home and surround myself with people who also have that word HAPPY describe them. And I'm taking in that life from these wonderful people and this town that even Princess told me yesterday on our way home from cheer 'Momma I love our town'. That right there made me realize I'd finally done it-I was happy. And I won't let anyone steal it from me again. I have the right to be happy. I have the right to be in love (still am, and I know I will find it again sometime). I have the right to be satisfied with my decisions and not worry they are being judged. I will live this life I was given and do what I can to make the most of it. Don't let FEAR hold you back from being happy. Mistakes can be fixed, decisions can be changed and you have to remember that, because before you know it you may miss out. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to get what you want and be happy with it. You don't need to fear happiness. Cause once you get it-you'll never want to let it go.

Live happy my friends.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Dance, my old friend....how I miss you.

So little princess is in the ‘frustrating fours’ right now. She is strong willed, stubborn, independent and well quite honestly quite a little handful. I have NO idea where she gets it from. So we have been struggling with authority and learning respect and so on the past several months. We recently moved to a small town that my friends live in. I chose this town for the quiet, the good schools, the fact that we would be surrounded by people we love and who love us. And its been working pretty well. But that meant my precious little girl was taken away from her friends and her favorite teacher. I knew that was a choice I had to make in order to make a better life for us, so I accepted that she would be hurt and upset and would miss her BFF and her favorite teacher Ms. J. I did NOT anticipate how badly it would affect her and now I’m dealing with that with frequent power struggles, tantrums and crying for her best friend and Ms. J. Its slowly getting better but its been a hard transition. Even though she is sleeping better and has a new school she seems to love and is doing very VERY well in. I get compliments on her work pretty often and her memory simply amazes me. The things she comes home singing is astonishing. Its been rough trying to get our new life situated and losing an important part of our life this past week stung pretty bad, but as always, I'll move on and be strong (ugh I hate that word-it so does NOT describe me) and know that if I'm meant to be in love it will happen again. I hope. Not that I plan to give my heart away again for a reeeeally long time. It still belongs to someone right now and in time it will heal.

To help give her more things to focus on I enrolled her in a Hip Hop class at the gym she cheers at. Last night was her first night. And I got the best compliment a mother could hope for. After class, which I watched on the monitors and although the class was quick-paced she did wonderful at it, her instructor stopped to talk to me. This instructor has a very impressive bio. He has worked with many music artists and has years of experience. He asked if she had taken ballet before, which she had for 2 years and he said she has good technique and was a great student. Not only was he impressed with her dance skills and asked to have her in a technique class he complimented ME on how well I did with her as she was polite and sweet. Something EVERY mother of a sometimes beastly child wants to hear. She has danced non-stop since we got home, even showing me the dance she learned, which for her first class 6 8 counts of a routine and she has almost 4 8 counts done already is so impressive to me. She is such a quick learner. Like a little sponge. Just like her mommy.
Ready to hip and hop!

Sitting there watching her dance though tugged on my heart. It made me think about my own dance days. I used to spend hours at home alone making up dances in my living room or bedroom. I constantly sang and danced around imagining myself choreographing music videos or dance scenes in movies. That movie Burlesque? Yeah I could have totally pictured myself on a stage performing (not stripper-like though). I always caught on to dances really quickly and watching MTV (back in the day when it was actually music videos) I would do the entire dance to any pop song. I’ll admit it, I was dorky.  However, my dream was always to either choreograph music videos or to own my own dance studio and direct a high school drill team. Weird huh? I always wanted to work in a school and teaching dance would have been a great job for me. I love being a teacher and trainer. I want to dance again so bad. But I’m old, fat, lazy, and uninspired. Sad huh? I know I COULD do it again but it’s a matter of figuring out HOW to do it again. Getting my creative inspired side back. I know it would make me happier. But. Getting into shape, finding a dance class and beginning training again all while working 50 hours a week and raising a child alone. Really? I need to get some serious motivation going. Would love to find a good yoga class to get my flexibility back, an adult dance class to get technique back, get back into working out and healthy eating. Sounds easy to do huh? Its not. It wouldn’t be. I can’t do it. Or can I? Hm….

Friday, September 20, 2013

Lucky Charms mix!

So I took this Pin and decided to try it out with my princess to take to our End of Summer pool party.

So you need:
1 box of Lucky Charms cereal (but only about 2 cups of the actual cereal plus all the marshmallows!)
2 cups of toasted rice cereal (or really any chex cereal, I prefer the rice)
2 bags of white chocolate chips
1 container sprinkles

My additions:
Waffle bowls
Pink Lemonade Magic Shell

Start by having your little one take ALL the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms. It took my 4 year old like 45 minutes to do this!

marshmallows come out to about 2.5 cups

Melt the white chocolate. Mix in 2 cups of chex cereal and about 2 cups of the lucky charms cereal. I really just added til I felt it was proportionate. It seemed like I had more chocolate than cereal when I followed the original pin.

spread it out on a cookie sheet I had so much that I needed to use TWO cookie sheets. (I put wax paper down first) and let the little one pour sprinkles all over it.
Once it all cools gently mix your marshmallows into it (that's according to the pin, but I actually did it while still laying on the cookie sheet

Princess sprinkling sprinkles!

My plan was to then put the mix in the waffle bowls and pour the magic shell on it BUT the kids didn't even let me get to that point. All the kids loved it and it was all gone by the end of the party!

So pretty!!

Monday, September 09, 2013

Here comes competition season!

Well the Princess is now an All-Star Cheerleader. She is at a local gym and is on the Tiny Show team. Which means they aren't technically be judged. Its that fun stage where they go out and perform and they all get a medal or trophy or something. So I don't get the joy of that 'We won National Champions' excitement or all that, although I will still be cheering for our other teams to get that prestigious title.

We have had practices, camps, uniform fittings. All that fun stuff. Her team will be walking in the local high schools homecoming parade (yay!). She has also started a tumble class. Although at 4 years old it consists of 2 young coaches trying to corral 8 of our 4 year olds to not try to race off to jump in the pit or fly off the tumble trac! Although so far they have been able to work on jump and motion technique and they have been practicing cartwheels and back walk overs. She's really enjoying the tumble part. She keeps asking to go back to gymnastics (which she was only in for one month-a whole 4 sessions) and dance. Which I'm actually searching for a dance class for her. Not sure if I'll do it at her current gym or somewhere else, but she is missing dance like crazy. I'm about to be that crazy mom with dance, cheer, and tumbling. At least the cheer/tumbling is the same day.

I'm actually enjoying sitting up in the parents viewing room with 3 other nice (read:not crazy) cheer moms who's precious daughters are on the same team and also in the tumble class together. Its nice to actually have someone to talk to and know when I go to the cheer comps that we may be able to be 'super cheer moms' all together. Cause yeah, I want to be THAT mom. The t-shirt, the sign, the cowbell, etc. Imagine that! I'm trying to figure out how to break it to my amazing boyfriend that he's gonna have to suck it up and drop his man card in my teal and black (gym colors) purse and come cheer with us. I'm going to need to make sure I get some treats made for him before I drop THAT bomb, but hey, that's what being a cheer "dad" (or moms-boyfriend-who-is-going-to-have-to-be-at-everything-cause-he-loves-us) does! Wonder if I can make him wear feathers? That may be too 'Cheer-Perfection' for our group. I have a feeling that even with our limited number of competitions we will be at (only 5 out of the 10) its going to get crazy. I'm really hoping that she will enjoy it and begin to love it.

And I hope I don't become one of those moms you see on tv. Yikes.

My little Sparkler! Cheezin already!

My yearly 'is it fall yet' post....

I really should go back and look and see what time of year I post this almost exact post every year. I'm so anxious for Fall to show her sweet beautiful face. With her gorgeous colors, the crisp cool air, and the beautiful tastes and smells she brings. Apples, cinnamon, pumpkin, nutmeg....oh how I love it.

This year weather-wise has been so dadgum crazy. Cold when it should be warm, warm when it should be cold. Right now its roughly in the hot and humid 100's in my little neck of the woods. Every morning I wake up and hope that Mother Nature has decided to surprise me with some crisp 70 degree weather. I get out of bed and take a shower and stare longingly at my boots all lined up nicely on the shelf in my closet. I run my hand over the warm and cozy sweaters hanging in the corner and glance lovingly at the adorable jackets just waiting to be taken outside.  But sadly its already in the 80's at 6:45 am when we leave the house.

We went to visit Gigi this weekend and got Princess the most precious fall outfit. A new pair of jeans (the child is getting some long legs!), a soft fleece cheetah print pullover and some super cute brown boots. She has a perfect 'crisp fall day' outfit. Now I need the crisp fall weather to hurry!

I've already had several of my favorite fall treats though! I made an amazing pumpkin yogurt snack and I've had about 4 Pumpkin Spice Lattes/Frapps from Starbucks. Oh how I love that smell.

Football season has started, NFL opening weekend was yesterday. I don't really have a 'team' so I think maybe this year I'll cheer for the Saints. Why not. I like their uniforms. Their QB ain't bad either.
My college team didn't do so hot this weekend though unfortunately, but I still love my Horns. I'm getting antsy to start pulling out my Halloween decorations, even though I have no fireplace in my little apartment this year. I'm hoping next Fall I'm in a house and will be able to fully decorate and go all out for Halloween AND Christmas. My boyfriend has no idea what he is in for when I'm able to actually let my Fall crazy side out. PUMPKIN SPICE ALL THE THINGS!!!! Yeah, its pretty bad. If its pumpkin scented, flavored, colored I pretty much need to have it. Yes. Need. To. Have. It. Yes.
Well that's it. My sad little post on how much I want the Fall to HURRY. I'll be back later with another sad 'why isn't it cold yet' post soon if Mother Nature doesn't follow my orders and give me my fall!

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Tasty summer snack

So for some reason I decided to be 'crafty mom' this past Saturday. So in addition to the sea salt spray I ALSO made a special strawberry shortcake for our Mothers day lunch. I wanted more than just berries and spongecake so I decided to get a little creative!

Total time-15 mins

a tub of whipped cream
a carton of strawberries
a package of white chocolate pudding
strawberry angel food cake (Walmart bakery section)
Hershey's semi-sweet baking melts
Cool Whip Cream Cheese Frosting (Walmart frozen section)
(I did NOT use the white chocolate)

So it was actually pretty simple.

Pudding 'dip'
I made the pudding according to the directions and spooned in about 3 large scoops of whip cream and lightly swirled.

Chocolate dipped Strawberries
The strawberries I cut in half and dipped in the semi-sweet chocolate, which I put about 10 discs in a bowl and slowly melted in the microwave!
Yummy drizzled strawberries!

Final product
Cut the cake into small squares, top with about 4 chocolate berries, a scoop of cool whip frosting on top and a side of the pudding dip.

It was actually pretty tasty!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Beachy hair-DIY spray

So this past Saturday I was at the store looking at all the hair stuff and stumbled upon some products to give you 'beach wave hair'. I thought 'hm, that sounds pretty'. So since I desperately wish the crimped hair style would come back in to style I thought this might be a good alternative and heck, who doesn't want to smell like the beautiful ocean? But as I'm looking at an 8 oz. bottle of sea water for $18.99 I thought 'There has GOT to be a homemade version'. Well thank you Pinterest. I found this pin and made my own tweaks to it based on what I already had. So I threw my absolute favorite crock pot recipe Buffalo Chicken into the cooker and got to experimenting. So here is my simple 3 ingredient salt spray for beachy hair as the Princess calls it. I didn't need to purchase anything as I already had all this at home.

10 oz hot water
2 tablespoons of Epsom Salt (I didn't have sea salt and supposedly Epsom doesn't dry your hair out as quickly)
1/2 teaspoon conditioner (I used this Organix Coconut Conditioner because I already had it and wanted the coconut smell)
1 spray bottle (just used one I already had picked up in the cosmetic section at Wal-Mart.)

You need HOT water to help dissolve the salt and the conditioner. I just used hot water out of the faucet and it was fine. You may want to boil it first but I had no need for it. Just pour it all in the spray bottle and shake! Let it cool then spray on wet hair. I tried it out on princess first as she takes a bath nightly. I sprayed, combed, then put her hair into 2 pigtail braids. Then in the morning just finger combed them all out. I did it on myself the following night and put mine in just 2 braids and it didn't turn out quite as well. I did 4 braids in princess and it turned out amazing. Here she is after the very first try. 2 braids. And p.s. this was on Mothers Day!

As you can imagine, it will dry your hair out a little bit, so be prepared for a possibly rough brushing and be prepared to baby your hair with a good conditioning. 

Saturday, May 04, 2013

Spicy Pineapple Chicken Crock Pot meal

So thanks to Pinterest I've been using my crock pot a lot lately. So I decided to try a variation of another recipe. I have no idea if its any good so I'll update at 4 pm.

3 large frozen chicken breasts
1 20oz can of crushed pineapple
3 TBSP Thai Kitchen Spicy Thai Mango sauce (found in the Asian foods section at Wal Mart)

Dump the pineapple with juice over the chicken. Drizzle 3 TBSP of the mango sauce over it. Cook on low for 6-8 hours. I'll check mine at 5 since my cooker seems to run hot.

Just a tip, when opening the sauce watch out! It has one if those ring open things and when I pulled it open it splashed everywhere including IN MY EYE. And yes, it burns.

For more great crock pot recipes along with my personal notes indicated by the {mew} check out my Pinterest board "yummy Stuff-crock pots"

Edit!! Ok so it turned out yummy!! I put it over rice and yummy. I turned it into nachos as well and it was yummy! I do think if I do it again ill add some apricot preserves or some fresh mango! But bottom line-delicious!!!

Monday, April 29, 2013

My first 1K!

So my company sponsors many 5Ks around our fair city here. Many. Cause you know that a beer after a run is hydrating right? Duh. So all these runs and 6 years of working out the details on them and I've never actually ran. I've considered it. I've said 'heck yeah I'll do that!'. I've asked the manager over the event if we have comps. But I've always at the last minute (last, really? who are you kidding) decided I couldn't, or I hurt, or I had something else to do.

Well, my mother of all people decides she wants to do a 5K (she's crazy right). So I say 'hey, how about we do the R&S run? I get comps!' and she says.....ok great! See you then.

Wait, what?

So I entered her, myself and princess in the 1K cause come on-like I'm REALLY going to run a 5K without a serial killer running after me or a horse with a donut tied to a string running in front of me. The day of the run is beautiful and perfect. We all gear up in our cute little t-shirts and head out. We line up at the starting line and start our walk at the gunshot. Princess is SO excited she is sort of galloping while holding her hand and my oh so helpful mother suggests I run. Ok why not-she's four and her legs are like a half a foot long, how fast can she REALLY be?

Answer....fast. faster than me for sure. And she doesn't want to stop. "Come on moMMAAA" she's yelling back at me. Oh yes, back because she is a good 6 feet ahead of my fat ass. I finally catch up and make her slow down and she just keeps going like a little energizer bunny on crack. We round the U-turn and head back, passing my mom who waves and keeps walking on her little way. We RAN all but about 20 steps of that 1K. We cross the finish line and get a high five from the mascot there cheering us on and a pretty little blue ribbon. Princess yells 'i'm a winner!'. I am hoping I don't keel over from lack of oxygen. We wait for my mom to cross the finish line and huff and puff (I'm the only one huffing-mom was smart and walked and of course the crack-bunny is FINE and ready to run again) up to the party and the water and the shade.

So I'm actually proud of all of us for completing the 1K. I'm not hurting as much as expected although the arch of my foot is a bit painful. What did I realize-I really really do HATE to run. But I can do it when chasing a 4 year old. And when I know there is ice cream waiting for me afterwards.

We are planning to do another one next week. I've apparently lost my mind.

Sassy pants before

Goddess & Princess after crossing the finish line!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Happy Administrative Professionals Day!

I've been at my job a whopping 6 years now. Its a good place, as far as the amazing friends I have and my boss is great at doing 'that little extra'. Like sending me flowers for my very own holiday. Admin work is so grueling and stressful sometimes, and I think people forget that if it wasn't for the office staff, your company might have some issues-like paying your invoices, helping your customers, paying your employees and basically doing all the paperwork so to speak. I was reading on a board I frequent today that many admins get no appreciation whatsoever and that makes me sad. Admin work is hard, its usually underpaid (cause really what does an admin do that is soooo important?)
That alone drives me bonkers. People think that office work is less important than sales, or being the nurse or doctor, or whatever-I think people forget that these 'paper-pushers' are the ones who keep your business running smoothly.

I'm so happy that I'm lucky enough to work for a boss who very much appreciates what we do around here. I got beautiful flowers and a delicious lunch as well as some very pretty flowers from the president of our division. Its a wonderful change to be recognized for the work you do and have someone take notice.

Now, to be honest, I just love getting flowers, and I'll take them any way I can, so having TWO gorgeous bouquets on my desk (and Lordy do they smell awesome) has made me giddy as a little girl. Add to that the fact I got an amazing gorgeous stunning red rose this past Sunday and I feel like a florally spoiled lady this week! (the rose is from someone who may get his own post someday ;) )

So to all my fellow administrative professionals, I hope that your boss takes a moment to express his/her gratitude for the work you do and the crap you may put up with. I hope that its a wonderful day for you all.
Admin Day flowers - beautiful!

Stunning rose from a special guy

Monday, April 15, 2013

Surviving a 4 year old

Here I thought 4 year olds would be SO much easier than 3. She can communicate better, she can dress herself, is fully potty trained, tells me stories and is pretty good at cleaning up....which she clearly ONLY wants to do at school. Really kid?

This weekend feels like I was swept into the eye of a hurricane. All around me I could see destruction and chaos and I couldn't do anything about it. We finally had a weekend where we had NO plans and since I'm heading to my mommy's graduation mid-week we decided to not do our usual trip to gramma's house and stay home and 'spring clean'. Pretty sure the ONLY thing that is still clean from this weekend is my scalp from pulling all my hair out. Every inch I cleaned Hurricane Princess swept behind me with race cars, Jessie, an assortment of My Little Ponies, every piece of linen for her bed and a 5 foot long stuffed alligator. That makes my brain hurt just remembering it all! Nothing is safe. Including the poor cat. Princess loves to play tea party, dress up and princess with poor Sammy, but Sammy is as sweet as can be and lets her do pretty much whatever she wants to her. Now THAT is love.

What I am really loving though is seeing parts of me in her.

 How amazing it is to watch her imagination. I feel like I was pretty imaginative when I was younger, I remember being able to play alone and never be bored. Oh the stories and adventures I could go on. And watching her sit in the living room with her MLP's having tea with Batman and Superman before watching the Little People princess marry the Spiderman is better than any tv show I could imagine. Luckily she also seems to LOVE books and coloring. She would probably lay on the floor and color for hours if I had enough paper in the house. As it is now we have a very large STACK of completely filled coloring books and probably 200 crayons in the house. Not to mention the markers and colored pencils (are they still called map pencils? does that show how old I am?) And the books. She has certain books memorized because she has me read them to her every night. Sometimes the same book 2 or 3 times.  I'm dying for her to learn to actually read so I can watch HER read. Is that weird? hm probably. Anyhow.

The difference and 3 and 4 is just amazing. The imagination, the ability to carry on conversations (that actually make sense!), watching her do things for herself-like who knew watching her brush her teeth without my help would make me SO proud, I mean really? But I guess its that 'mommy thing'. Getting ridiculously excited over the little things. I can't imagine what its going to be like when she does the BIG things like her first cheer comp or first time she reads or heck, the first time she ties her shoes all alone! I just am amazed at this tiny little mini-me who looks (and unfortunately ACTS) just like me. Its like having a little clone! But I'm not looking forward to the preteen/teen years. Then, Heaven help me cause the padding in my white room will need to be super thick!

So my post was supposed to be about surviving a 4 year old right? Basically....deep breaths, a lot of patience and lots and lots of wine.....
 (i'm kidding....right?)

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

The Dark Side....Cheerleading

Well its official. All my years of despair of never being the popular head cheerleader (even though I was on drill team) have been vindicated. I'm now a Cheer Mom. I know my friends will hate me, but I can't help it. I'm so excited. Bordering on obsessed perhaps? Maybe because this is something that Princess and I can bond over? I don't really know, I just know my little Sparkler is officially a bow-head and I could NOT be more excited about it. She made the Tiny Show Team for a well ranked gym in the city we will be living in soon. We practice her stretches, facials and back walkovers every night. Its the first thing I've stuck with pretty consistently as far as her daily routine goes. She starts practice next week and gets the whole set up-the practice uniforms, the performance uniforms, we go to competitions and I even volunteered to be a TEAM MOM. Yes, I must be crazy. In fact, I know I am since I am constantly looking at the gyms FB page to make sure I'm not missing anything. They are SO going to hate me over there. Yeah, I'm going to be THAT mom. If only I could control it.

I have to admit, I'm pretty happy Princess is out of the 'baby stage'. It was ok, but I was pretty miserable and stressed out during most of it so I didn't really get to enjoy it. I'm enjoying most of her 4 year old stage, except the crazy tantrums, but I think we are getting a handle on those. So now we get to move on to the fun things like cheer, tumble, and her very first sleepover with 3 of her Marchie friends.

But not to derail myself-this post is all about my giddy excitement over being a cheer mom. I'm trying to not appear TOO over eager by wanting all the shirts, the bows, buying the new car decal (I'm seriously salivating over it-hoping I can wait til next Fridays practice to buy it), and wanting the "Mom" shirt. I know my little fearless daredevil will want to be a flyer, and while on one hand it terrifies me, on the other its probably inevitable since she is the teeniest person on the planet it seems!

I want to be like my BFF who is the ultimate cheer mom. She makes the bows, the big signs, a homemade rattle, the cowbells, she helps with the banquets, the gifts, the gym in general-she is the ultimate Cheer Mom, however, she is at a competitive gym now. I always dreamed Princess would cheer along side her cousin covered in hot pink and zebra but it turns out she was meant to be in the sparkly blue instead.

Get your guns up Princess, you are a cheerleader now!