So little princess is in the ‘frustrating fours’ right now. She is strong willed, stubborn, independent and well quite honestly quite a little handful. I have NO idea where she gets it from. So we have been struggling with authority and learning respect and so on the past several months. We recently moved to a small town that my friends live in. I chose this town for the quiet, the good schools, the fact that we would be surrounded by people we love and who love us. And its been working pretty well. But that meant my precious little girl was taken away from her friends and her favorite teacher. I knew that was a choice I had to make in order to make a better life for us, so I accepted that she would be hurt and upset and would miss her BFF and her favorite teacher Ms. J. I did NOT anticipate how badly it would affect her and now I’m dealing with that with frequent power struggles, tantrums and crying for her best friend and Ms. J. Its slowly getting better but its been a hard transition. Even though she is sleeping better and has a new school she seems to love and is doing very VERY well in. I get compliments on her work pretty often and her memory simply amazes me. The things she comes home singing is astonishing. Its been rough trying to get our new life situated and losing an important part of our life this past week stung pretty bad, but as always, I'll move on and be strong (ugh I hate that word-it so does NOT describe me) and know that if I'm meant to be in love it will happen again. I hope. Not that I plan to give my heart away again for a reeeeally long time. It still belongs to someone right now and in time it will heal.
To help give her more things to focus on I enrolled her in a Hip Hop class at the gym she cheers at. Last night was her first night. And I got the best compliment a mother could hope for. After class, which I watched on the monitors and although the class was quick-paced she did wonderful at it, her instructor stopped to talk to me. This instructor has a very impressive bio. He has worked with many music artists and has years of experience. He asked if she had taken ballet before, which she had for 2 years and he said she has good technique and was a great student. Not only was he impressed with her dance skills and asked to have her in a technique class he complimented ME on how well I did with her as she was polite and sweet. Something EVERY mother of a sometimes beastly child wants to hear. She has danced non-stop since we got home, even showing me the dance she learned, which for her first class 6 8 counts of a routine and she has almost 4 8 counts done already is so impressive to me. She is such a quick learner. Like a little sponge. Just like her mommy.
|Ready to hip and hop!|
Sitting there watching her dance though tugged on my heart. It made me think about my own dance days. I used to spend hours at home alone making up dances in my living room or bedroom. I constantly sang and danced around imagining myself choreographing music videos or dance scenes in movies. That movie Burlesque? Yeah I could have totally pictured myself on a stage performing (not stripper-like though). I always caught on to dances really quickly and watching MTV (back in the day when it was actually music videos) I would do the entire dance to any pop song. I’ll admit it, I was dorky. However, my dream was always to either choreograph music videos or to own my own dance studio and direct a high school drill team. Weird huh? I always wanted to work in a school and teaching dance would have been a great job for me. I love being a teacher and trainer. I want to dance again so bad. But I’m old, fat, lazy, and uninspired. Sad huh? I know I COULD do it again but it’s a matter of figuring out HOW to do it again. Getting my creative inspired side back. I know it would make me happier. But. Getting into shape, finding a dance class and beginning training again all while working 50 hours a week and raising a child alone. Really? I need to get some serious motivation going. Would love to find a good yoga class to get my flexibility back, an adult dance class to get technique back, get back into working out and healthy eating. Sounds easy to do huh? Its not. It wouldn’t be. I can’t do it. Or can I? Hm….