Monday, February 03, 2014

A new chapter starts today....

I still can't believe that it's February. This year is already going by way too quickly. Its been a crazy year already, only 1 month in! Something happened recently that reminded me that life will change in just a moment. Just one decision by someone else can turn your entire world upside down. People you love can disappear in an instant. Whether by choice or by chance, by accident or on purpose. Someone new can come into your life in a way you never expected and bring good or bad. You can't let a day go by without stopping for a moment to be thankful for everything you have, even for everything you may have lost because at one time, it meant something, no matter how small. Be thankful for the friends who are by your side and even for the ones who have left that taught you something valuable. Don't let anything stop you from being happy and living your life the best way you can.

As I said, I was reminded that life can change in an instant. So why would I choose to live any less than happily and with a full soul? There is nothing in the world stopping me from pursuing what I want to do. Except my own fear. And I'm ready to overcome that fear and reach for my goals. Will I be the best at what I want to do? No, most likely not. But I'm not trying to be better than anyone other than myself. I want to be happy and set an example for Princess. So I'm starting a new challenge today. I'm going back to dance class! I'm ridiculously excited about it, and a little bit scared. The scared may get bigger as it gets closer to 8 pm! I bought my first pair of dance shoes in AGES yesterday. I admit, I put them on and did a little chasse in the aisle of the shoe store-luckily no one saw that. Its been so long since I've had dance shoes on my feet. That small thing brought me so much excitement. I'm literally counting down the hours til its time for me to go to class. I'm terrified of walking into a studio again-I'll admit it. A little worried that I'll be dancing next to younger and more talented dancers, with my short legs and fluffy belly and old aching joints that desperately need some yoga (my next new class) and some strengthening. But I have to start somewhere right? Even as a 30-something out of shape ex-dancer.

And I'm finally beginning to understand that what other people think doesn't matter. I'm confident in myself and my passion and as long as I hold on to that as I dance then I will be proud of myself. Wow. Proud of myself. I'm not sure when the last time I said that was. I can't remember the last time I was proud of ME . Just me. I'm never going to be the thinnest, most graceful, most talented or most loved person in any room and I know that. I accept that. But I'm going to be the best version of me that I can be. I'm an over thinker, a dreamer, dramatic, irrational, awkward, but also passionate and full of love for those who mean something to me. As long as the people who accept that about me can stand by my side and support me then I'll be ok. I'm going to be proud of what I can and will do even though it won't be perfect. The people who matter will be the ones standing next to me cheering me on and those who judge me or laugh at me have problems that have nothing to do with me, and I need to remember that. I have some of the most amazing friends and family, who's strength and hearts have shined through the last week, and I'm so incredibly lucky to have them by my side and to see how deeply they care for each other, me included. They are the ones who matter. Their opinions, positive and constructive, are what I need to help me grow as a person. And its through their support and encouragement that I'm ready to start taking these steps toward my own passions.

I know that this year will be tough for many people, but I guess its about starting over. Beginning the 'new normal' as my beautiful best friend said the other day. Things have been hard already this year, but you have to face the pain and move forward. Find new inspiration and passions. It won't be easy but in the end, what will you have to show for your life? Do you want to say you lived it as fully as you could and have no regrets? Absolutely. Why settle for anything less than a life full of love, humor, and friendship. The money and the things and the status don't matter. They aren't the memories that fill your heart and make you smile out of the blue.

I'm ready. I'm ready for a new chapter.